Things Steven Shyne Couldn't Give A Shit About

Have you ever just, like, been tired of hearing about something? When you see it on newspapers, web pages, in your mailbox, on your tv or in your vicinity in any shape or form a flood of emotions overwhelms thee? It's like anger, pain, disgust, annoyance, loathing and boredom all wrapped in a ribbon of ridiculousness that's dipped into a vat of "why are we still taking about this?" Here's my list du mois; let the countdown begin:

5. The Frickin' Hills: Lauren Conrad, Heidi & Spencer, etc.
These little brats sure push my buttons--they are famous for nothing! They aren't actors, they certainly aren't singers (Heidi), not dancers, and not movie stars (not stars of anything other than their own egos). They are famous for filming this show and then lying about it's authenticity. The world would be a better place sans the Hills et al. Sure this is their fifteen minutes of fame, but I say tick tock. (And don't get me started on the fact that MTV doesn't play music videos, but that's another rant entirely.)

4. Frickin' GM in Chapter 11
As quoted in "No Shit" magazine: "Duh!" They were a lousy company with a bad product that the majority of consumers would prefer not to drive and that they (here's the nail in the coffin) refused to do anything about. If the trend is smaller, more fuel efficient cars and hybrid technology, don't come out with a new Hummer that gets 14 miles to the gallon. Their downfall is their stubbornness and resistance to adapt to market changes. RIP.

3. Frickin' Swine Flu
This one is almost out the door already, but it has to be mentioned. Notice how quickly and intensely this pandemic and pandemonium swept across the world's media outlets? Mexico was basically an infestation, the US was next and people are going to be dropping like flies. IT'S STILL JUST THE FLU. Sure a couple of people died, in the US an infant and a very elderly, sickly woman: people who would have died from any old flu--because that's exactly what it was!

2. Frickin' Adam Lambert Coming Out of the Closet
I don't know what cave these people are hiding in but, umm... let me quote "Duh!" Magazine, "No Shit." He kisses men, wears eyeliner, dresses in drag and he's gay? Color me shocked. There's more to this story than him simply coming out of the closet too. It's clearly evident that Adam Lambert has more talent in his left pinky than Kris Allan does in his whole being. I LOVE KRIS ALLAN, don't get me wrong. He has charm, he's adorable, and he's talented enough. He's precious and clean and safe and that's why he won American Idol... that's why Taylor Hicks won (to no future success) and Ruben Studdard (who just filed bankruptcy and was dropped from his label). The point I am making is that according to a recent Pop Eater poll, people are "surprised". Another poll says that a staggering amount (12 - 15%) would have voted differently having known he was gay. WHAT? Regardless of sexuality, candid or discrete, Adam is uber talented, and he will prove himself in the future. This I'm sure.

so you want to really know what chaps my ass...

1. Frickin' Jon and Kate Plus Media
There are soo many things that rub me the wrong way with this. Firstly, Jon cheated on Kate, well, because she's a bitch. AND WHO WOULDN'T BE when raising 8 kids while being videotaped around the clock for years on end. Secondly, isn't it a LITTLE fishy that the story of him cheating broke RIGHT before the season premiere of their show which was scheduled within WEEKS of her book to hit shelves ALL KNOWING that the first episode has footage of them having a rift in their relationship which means he would have to have cheated at the beginning of the season, say, around January? FISHY FISHY. I like their show, rather, I liked their show, when it was about the kids and all the fun adventures a family of 8 went through. Now, literally, it's about Jon and Kate and the paparazzi and their marital issues and who gives a god damn shit? I don't.