Wild Wonders

This is a bit of an old post that I forgot to put up, but enjoyable enough that I wanted to post it. Back in May some of the team from my work took a field trip to this fantastic place called Wild Wonders. I was one of the few that went.

Wild Wonders is a licensed and insured wildlife education organization that travels throughout the United States, providing exotic animals and animal trainers for shows, parties and events. They have a facility in Fallbrook which is about an hour-and-a-half north of San Diego. At this facility they house a beautiful collection of animals from all across the globe. They are not a zoo, it's a private company that takes animals in that were abandoned, abused, abducted or planned to be tested upon. They strive to provide the utmost in care for these animals; from diet and nutrition and affection training to behavioral enrichment. All of their 120 animal ambassadors came to them from other educational facilities, were confiscated/reliquished as they were illegal pets, or non-releasable native wildlife. NONE HAVE BEEN TAKEN FROM THE WILD. I took some of this info from their website--for more information visit www.wildwonders.org

Onto my experience. First we arrive and they want to introduce us to Victor the Cheetah. He was in a very large enclosure--probably the same size as the Wild Animal Park's exhibit space. He came right up to the trainers and started rubbing against the fence and purring. A Cheetah purr is very, VERY loud. It's cute still, but it's a little intimidating. Just a little. We got to reach in and pet him and he loved it. We talked about animal conservation and how there are some 2,000 cheetahs, and if measures aren't made to protect and support the cheetah population, there might not be a population to protect in the near future. Anyway I'll get off my soapbox and continue. Victor was great. Loved him. Next we saw their other cats, a bobcat and two Siberian Lynx. The lynx were very lovey and social, where as the bobcat literally growled at me. I was the last to leave this are and as I walked by him he gave out a very loud but harmless growl.

Next was my personal favorite--binturongs! Binta-wha? Whoozi-rang? No--binturong. Binturongs are probably one of my favorite animals. Per Wikipedia:

The Binturong (Arctictis binturong), also known as the Asian Bearcat, the Palawan Bearcat, or simply the Bearcat, is a species of the family Viverridae, which includes the civets and genets. It is neither a bear nor a cat, and the real meaning of the original name is lost, as the local language that gave it is extinct^[3]. Its natural habitat is in trees of forest canopy in rainforest of Bangladesh, Bhutan, Burma, China, India, Indonesia, Laos, Malaysia, Nepal, the Philippines, Thailand, and Vietnam.^[1]

It is nocturnal and sleeps on branches. It eats primarily fruit, but also has been known to eat eggs, shoots, leaves, and small animals, such as rodents or birds. Deforestation has greatly reduced its numbers. When cornered, the Binturong can be vicious. The Binturong can make chuckling sounds when it seems to be happy and utter a high-pitched wail if annoyed. The Binturong can live over 20 years in captivity; one has been recorded to have lived almost 26 years.

visit wikipedia's page on the binturong for more information.

We didn't get to touch them but I sure wanted to. I wanted to crawl in there with them and bite their little ears and kiss him on the face! I think they would have not have enjoyed that and would have demonstrated their dislike in a number of ways.... I digress.

Now that I hit the high note, I'll summarize everything else up quickly; next we saw a myriad of foxes. They were so cute! We saw a tortoise and alligators and snakes and lizards. They were not as cute. There were some beautiful (and loud) birds. They were loud. We also saw a hedgehog (that I got to pet!), chinchillas, rabbits, and some little monkeys. All were very cute.

It was a good day. Very cool. Signing off.

To Whom it May Concern

To the patrons of the men's bathroom in my office building: Gentlemen and Sirs,

As you already know, we share a common space by the elevator in the hallway known as the men's restroom. I'd like to set out a couple of "guidelines" in the following which are not open to discussion:

1. First and foremost, wash your hands. This may seem like a childish and outdated practice but please, for god sakes, think of where your hands are going to be AFTER your done fondling your gentiles. Your computer? Your phone? Food? Gross. Pigs.

2. If you have the urge to let out a sign while urinating, maybe you should have done it hours ago; keep your sounds and signals of satisfaction to yourselves--internally.

3. Don't talk on your cell phone in the bathroom. YOU'RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT. It's proof that you're a total asshole.

4. Do not--I repeat--Do not bring reading materials into the stalls. This isn't your throne, it's not even your house. Don't stay a while--get in and get out. End of story.

5. FLUSH. Self explanatory.

6. Spitting? While you're on the toilet? Onto the floor? Giving me a god damn break. That's just disgusting. You should be slapped.

7. Under no circumstances should you believe it okay to whistle. This really is applied to all situations everywhere but especially applicable in a small room with hard, sound-reflective surfaces in the company of pure strangers.

8. I understand you may happen to run into coworkers or even arrive at the same time, but do not carry conversations or tell stories. No one wants to hear you, especially your colleague.

9. Possibly the most ridiculous is the act of leaning against the wall. If you're too heavy to hold up your own weight, go to the gym. If you're too tired to stand on your own two feet, maybe pee sitting down. If you are just a lazy asshole, maybe you should just pee in your pants instead of going to the bathroom at all. Seriously, you look like a tool when you lean against the wall while peeing. (Please note: when intoxicated would be only an acceptable time to do this.)

10. Please eat sensible meals, filled with nutrients and plenty of fiber. It's good for you. And it benifits me: the last thing I--or anyone for that matter--wants to hear is your curry in a hurry resonating through the plumping of the 3rd floor. That burrito grande wasn't such a good idea after all, Shitsy McSplatterbutt? And whats with the taking a shit at 9:12 am? You couldn't have planned it out and sent your logs downstream before leaving the house? Do you have a 2+ hour commute? I am LITERALLY over your shit.


Your mandatory cooperation is appreciated.

Best,


Steven Shyne

Off With Their Heads!

Today was a day that shook the walls of my office; today three people were laid off. That may not be a big deal to all of you, my faithful readers, but to me that's 3 less familiar faces I have at work every day. I loved these people professionally and personally and only wish good things for them.

One was an accountant: she has been with the company for 9 years or something like that, has a 1 year old (or 2--same thing), and really is sweet. But I saw that coming; they are "centralizing" our accounting so it all comes from one office. She was to be expected.

Another blind-sided me: she was a sales person and just finished a $1 million (or 2--same thing) program and then, comes back to the office with a pink slip on her chair. That sucks!

The third was completely out of the blue: she was a sales assistant to our VP of West Coast Sales. She didn't deserve it at all--she's talented, she's energetic, NEVER complained a bit about anything, loves the industry (well, okay likes) and is just a great, great person. She should have never been cut.

So get this though--One quit yesterday and another is in the process of quitting and yet another had her last day last Friday. Add my GM who resigned in January that's 7 people out the door in 60-days. Holy (insert garage word here)!!

Why so shaken, Stevie-hates-bacon? If anyone else is going to get canned next--it's me. No, no, don't say it "You could lose your job at any time. You could get in a car crash or wake up in a coma (which actually that's like saying 'you'd fall asleep alert')." Whatever, anyway, if there is any more fat to be cut from the money pig, it would be me. I was close to the bottom of the pole and now I AM the bottom of the pole. I'm not going to let it get to me though. There's plenty of fish in the barrel to shoot (is what it seems like, okay). It's fine. I'm fine...

But lord knows I'm gonna start lookin'--just in case. I'd rather have an ace up my sleeve than leave the table with no chips. You got it? Damn right you do. Signing out and sorry again it took me so long to get another post up. Bite.

The Better You Do...

Some of you know what I do for work, other may not have the foggiest. I'll just break it down for ya'll anyway:

I work for a company called TBA Global Events, LLC. It's not just an "event" company, it's considered a Business Communications and Connective Marketing company (so, well, okay that means event company still). Anyway, the company as a whole has produced such events (on their client's behalf) as the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, the Lance Armstrong Tour of Hope, and the Ben & Jerry's marketing campaign of "Random Acts of Cone-ness" (where street-marketing teams would go into offices or places of public service (fire departments, police stations, hospitals) and they would give out Ben & Jerry's ice cream cone products). We also did the open ceremonies for the Olympics in Italy and many other cool corporate events all around the nation and the world.

The piece of the pie that I work in is called "Destination Services" where once a Meeting Planner has planned their meetings and booked a hotel room block and reserved hotel ballroom space and contracted with a production agency (we do this too) to execute the meeting (A/V, speakers, staging, branded materials, etc.)--once they do all that they call a DMC (Destination Management Company) to produce all the other services and components AROUND the meeting such as tours, activities, airport coordination (arrivals/departures), receptions, award ceremonies, and a butt-load of other fun stuff. Pretty much we'll never say no. Holiday parties? sure. Trasnfering people A-to-B? Bring it on. Beach parties (how original)? Do it all the time.

Continuing on: yesterday I wrote a proposal for a small communications company, you may not have heard of them, AT&T, for their convention in 2008. They are going to have 4 waves of people over a course of a few days and need a large event space for this group. When I say (and by "say", I mean "type") "waves" of people, I mean 1,100 people come in all at once and are here for a short time, then the same day they leave, 500 people come in replacing them. When those people leave another group (the same day) of 435 replaces them, and when they leave the last group of 200 comes in and replaces those people. It will probably be 3 days each wave, totalling in 12 days straight of non-stop madness. A kind of madness a Meeting Planner (or a me) would love to witness (or make a commission on). So we had to find several options of event spaces that could work for 1,100 people all the way scaling down to 200 (and the 2 other tiers in between) PLUS 10 tours/activity options for this group. Think that's enough? No. We had to propose--not only San Diego--by Las Vegas, San Francisco and Phoenix as well. It was the largest proposal I've ever seen this office do and I got to be a part of it. Final product was 90-some pages in length, and it was down-right amazing and I'm sure you are all dying of boredom but I think it's freaking awesome.

So that's what I do all day long, I plan parties and make up tours and so on. It's fun and great and good for me but every job has it's dark side and future blogs I'm sure will reveal the darker side of party planners--mwah-ha-ha-ha!! (that's a cackle--fyi.) Thanks for reading--I leave you with a saying that I have in my cubicle which pretty much sums up the corporate world (and Adam Nordost): "Remember: The Better You Do, The More They Expect."